part I

sometimes you wonder too much if they really understands you. sometimes you wonder if you understand them or not. they might think they knows you well enough and they might actually know nothing about you. for some reason nothing is ever enough in life. i see people who already
have enough money and said i dont have enough money, i want more. liek hello if i were you i would be thankful already. if its not enought dont complain. in life shits happens. mostly happens for a reason. if you are not thankful, God would do soemthing to teah you lesson. when you are luck somehow God is trying to tell you that you did something good and you desesrve something to make you happy. sometimes i believe in karma, i have no idea why also. i'm in a relationship and i wonder does he knows me that well. you want that small little thing from him long time ago but you never get it. but you still wait and wait eventhough you have no idea if its going to happen or not. but you never stop hoping.

i waited for you for months and i might had suffer in a stupid way but indeed i survive the long wait for you. along the wait i did made mistake that is hard to be explain. but at that time you weren't mine yet. i didnt lie to you, i just didnt tell you. whats the different between not telling something and not telling the truth? you were really mad at that time, i know you were but heck i told you the truth, i was like a stupid servant like you were my master whom i have to obey each seconds. i could have just kept it quite but because of the love we had i just couldnt help it. i have no idea if u had forgave me or not. but if you did, to forgive is to forget. i have forgiven you about the fact that you had to take care of both heart but i have no idea why my heart and hers is the same. isnt mine should be more important than hers? i had to made you do it. if you truly love me you had done it on our own without being asked. but guess what i had forgiven you because of the greatness of love. i didnt mind waiting for you for months, i could just go off and dated other people but i had made up my mind and chose you.

if you are willing to accept me and wants to be together with me happily you should learn to forgive and to forget. that was the past, its history and history should not be repeated. some things are unexplainable. i seek for your forgiveness day by day for all the wrong doings i had done that had hurt you in any way. people make mistakes and they learn from it. after that very bad incedent i felt like i had lost your trust and it made me feel like a total loser , a person who doesnt deserve you. but instead i push my heart to work on being the very best and become the best lover that you never had. i want to make you happy and i dont care much about how i felt, now its about you.

i know i cant overcome jealousy very well. i'm a girl we are mostly like that but i know we can learn to control it. i'm still working on it to become not the jealous type and be more the open-minded type. but just dont overdo it because some guys are like that. and i dont say all guys are the same. everyone are special in their own way. after all we had been through i'm glad that we are still together. but sometimes is just that you made me feel like you only trust me, 50%. its alright thank God i'm quite a patient person. something i just dislike is just that when you are angry at something i become the ball that you are kicking.

i guess thats all about what i have to say for my first ever blogspot. everything i say here is all reality people. reality is never that pretty.