inside

something is missing, something is missing, something is missing. what the hell is missing? everything felt so wrong. everything! broke 2 glasses in 3 days. im okay but im not okay. i dont know. im just dead inside, im not interested on doing anything right now. NOTHING! watched KAMI the movie with hesmond. it made me cry and made me miss someone. but no he doesnt miss me. its just wrong. i dont know. i suck i suck. i have no idea whats in my head. raya is fun but tiring. i think it should stop now, no more raya. im too tired and sick. too many things happening and i can go crazy. i want the time to stop now. i dont want to go back to college. i want it to stop i want to rest. i need it. i wanna cry. i need a good cry. i dont feel so good. everything is just messy. are things worth waiting for? are you worth waiting for? im used to it but im tired of it. in the end you felt like it was worthless it wasnt worth waiting for. its just crap. i gotta stop this, i have to. im not interested. today felt like a mistake maybe because i felt something is missing but it was a good day. but it wasnt all that. no no no no no. omg, too much in my head. i cant get it out. i dont know how to. i dont know. i wanna run away but i know i cant. nothing can help me. i dont want ciggies nor alcohol. maybe i should pray. pray to God and tell Him im sorry. i was stupid and immature. its a messed up world full of messed up humans. The Beatles said Let it be but its easy said than done. action speaks louder than words. sometimes you know you cant get it but you still hope for it and have some faith to it and you still try. you're just too stubborn to believe that you cant get it. your heart said you cant but your head is making you do it. in the end you end up hurting yourself. why? because im stupid. i wanna give up, but i cant. im gonna try. nothing else can stop me except myself. i wanna die i think its much more peaceful. nothing can bother me. but only God can kill me. He knows when im gonna die. so here it is a messy life of a teenage girl. dont know whats going on in my own head and dont know what my heart wants. everything is just wrong and messed up. i dont know what to do or say. stay away from me.i do know but i dont want to believe it. its just wrong. i should stop. make it go away! right now! yeah i smile and i laugh but behing all that there's a hole. something is missing, something is missing. it should stop and go away. far far far away. i stopped smoking, i dont want it anymore. go away. i need everything to go away right now. get out please. im begging you. dont come near me, stay away.