breath taking

"The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain." -Lord Byron

23 sept 08
economics paper was unexpected, i thought it would be easier but it was difficult. but i did the best i could. and as for english i almost gave up. the listening comprehension makes me feel like im my mom, cause she kinda have 'sound trouble'. it was difficult too. as for the extended response part WTF is design babies? i wanted to go against it, but for the sake of wanting to get high marks i had to support it. there were more points to support the technique. tuesday was a difficult day, a day were i almost gave up. i finally talk to Mi after a week of not seeing her. it was nice, i had ALOT to tell her. never ran out of topics. i saw Walter. and he made me, miss zao cause everytime i see him i'll think of zao. in weird way i think they kinda look alike. =) so that night i decided to call him, and i did. we talked or should i say i talked alot, as always he listens. it was nice talking to him since i miss him.

24 sept 08
accountingshit paper. i didnt know shit. i waited until someone decided to go out from the exam hall then only ill leave the hall. which i did, i left early and went straight home. my mum told me something which i didnt get what she was trying to say to me until buka puasa. then i know why. alissa darling, im here for you, always. like a baby he became, a talking machine, a man who is trying to discover the world and a person who have lost himself. that was a trageday, it was a shocked to everyone. no matter how manly you are you cant run away from it. tears will still fall down if you care for him. eventhough im not that close but i felt it. he is family. i became strong. 2 hours i took care of him. stayed in the hot mini car, being his companion so that he can reach his destination listening to things that he has to say. restarting things that he wish he could and apologising to every mistake he think he has done. i was trying to figure out what he wants to say, tried to understand him but i couldnt he was in his own game world. but i see he envy the people around him, he felt like he is a disappointment. he put pressure to himself trying to impress the people he really care about. i thank God for creating humans that have a heart that cares. the people who love him stayed all night to take care of him. making sure he is safe.

25th sept 08.
today was the day i got confused, felt sick, lost and worried. i left my formula sheet for my maths paper. i didnt study at all, was having a difficult nighit. i reach the hall i sat, i felt sleepy. i read for 10 minutes then i fell asleep. i slept for an hour and woke up. realizing this guy is about to leave the hall, which is tempting to me. i waited for half an hour. i went to the loo and sat in the hall like an idiot. it was freezing cold. the clock reached 8.30 and i said im done. i left the hall. i didnt know anything, i told you i was lost, i couldnt think at all. but i've learnt all that before. today he was abit more quite compared to last night. i saw his face today, it was different maybe because at that moment i was watching him closely. i got scared, i was scared that i might lose him. i wanted to cry. i looked a way and told myself it will be fine. im actually staying up right now, scared that he will wake up from his sleep. i hope he is having a sweet dream and wake up tmrw and feel much better. i know that he is tired, he slept twice and the pills is helping him to sleep. he was like a baby.

additions.
i need some discipline. i know i wanna change to become better but heck i didnt really know anything about it. i have the intention but not action. i dont wanna be like those people who just say things but never do it. yesterday and today have been an experience. i fucked both my accounting and my maths exams. i got lost. especially for maths. i wanted to post my blog since tuesday but i got annoyed with the person disturbing me in my cbox. i had a thought the other day its more like a dream. i wanna write a book as an achievement in life, atleast one book. a book where it will bring an impact to a person's life.

this is the time where i need comfort, i know i want to. but i dont really bother to try that hard to find comfort. its okay. i just need a day out with anyone.

"The more you care, the stronger you can be." -Jim Rohn.

ps. if theres spelling error or grammatical error, i apologise. people make mistakes.