fcked

yooo mannn! It’s been a while since I posted a new blog. It’s been ages! hahaha. So you see I have a sad sad depressing story to tell. So I shall summarize my life first that’s been going on for the past months. Yea I broke up with Erik and met Karamul and it didn’t work out and I got together with a friend, mubin jamil (mj). But err it didn’t work out either. I smell karma for myself.

It all happens on 27th April 2008. Sunday morning like 2am something like that la. it was after Chelsea and Man u's game. Well sadly man u lost but its okay they won the freaking finals! I was depressed already that night because of somebody who didn’t treat me properly. So mj who I used to have a crush on and who is also my friend, we texted each other la. He made me feel better. He was there when I was depressed. He told me he was in love with me and I was the sweetest girl ever. I was err shocked actually I mean come on I didn’t expect that right. I mean its mj, so hard to believe its almost impossible. It happened quite fast also I fell for you. Your vainness, your weirdly adorable personality, your so called ‘hot body’ that I like, your smile that I like seeing and your silliness where you always have something to talk about. I still remember our first kiss. It was on your birthday I came over to your place straight from college. It was fun. At that night you said "I think you're my lucky charm" which totally made my day! Then we went out for our first date. It was fun, I enjoyed it. We watched movie, we had lunch and err you met my mum, my little sis and my cousins. They seem to like you also, I was relieved. That night suddenly you asked me to be your girlfriend and I said yes. I didn’t expect to be at that time but still I said yes. Dude, you caught my heart quite fast. I slept over your place. I met your friends. I love sleeping with you because you hug me while sleeping (aaww). When you hold me, I never felt so safe and so much love. You said to me that you don’t want to let me go. I felt so in love. I do things for you, I don’t care what it takes I just do it, just for you.

Then weeks later, suddenly we're drifting? Like what you said. I tried for us not to drift apart. From my humble opinion you made it this way. I don’t know, im just saying but I don’t blame you. Maybe I did something wrong and I didn’t realize it. You told me we're drifting and this relationship is not a mistake but it might end up to a mistake? I mean WTH? I don’t get what you mean. And you said it’s bad enough already and you don’t want it to get worse? Dude you gotta look at my face right now and see my freaking reaction, WTH? I’m lost here. There’s this one huge question mark on my head. Oh and yeah I need some answers and my question is basically err WHY? A simple question but difficult to answer ey? Its not even a month yet. haha what a short relationship.

I was bloody depress and sad for a week plus. *sorry mi I know you read my book and I spelled it place, I was sad ah that time couldn’t concentrate. LOL. Anyway you have no idea man. I cried, bloody hell I did. I mean I’m a girl of course we cry, its normal. But then I cried a lot like everyday until i couldn’t cry no more got tired of it. But at times I still cry when I see something that reminds me of you. (I miss you). You told me you love me, but do you even care? Things like this had never crossed my mind. And I could never thought about you having another girl. That would be very unlike you. Maybe its just me. I’m sorry, if I said the wrong things to you or hurt your feelings unintentionally. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know why but when I was with you I kinda became a bit paranoid. Hmm. I got drunk because of you man. *but it was fun that night huhu (thanks mi for taking care of me).

I had a wonderful time being with you, thank you so much. Don’t know how to thank you also la. I hope next time you would actually keep your promise, and I never think that you're a fucker. You will always be the sweet fucker that I love. hahaha. You are not a fucker in a bad way baby. I miss seeing you smile =( and I miss playing with your hair. aaaarrgghh your face. sorry a bit psycho here. Anyways I don’t give a damn about whatever anyone want to say about you la, still love you. I again, really miss you. People told me to move on and deal with it. Yeah I know I should and will but it takes time la. I’m just gonna move on when I feel like it, not now maybe later. I will wait for you until this pain is cured. I know I can but I chose not to.

Love you mj darling.

Just want to share these feelings. I can still smile. =) but I haven’t had any awesome time since this shit happened. I miss laughing like some crazy bitch and making stupid jokes. haih. And Mi aka Amira, my best friend for live/forever. Thank you so much okay! Love you always babe.